PDA

View Full Version : The Role of the Hiccup in Modern Dr



ernie
31-01-06, 03:20 PM
Studies in modern dressage are showing that, as opposed to the half halt, the rider's entire body aids via the momentum of the humble hiccup can and do activate or immobilise (depending on the requirement at the time) the horse - and to a far greater degree.

An industrial-sized hiccup has been shown to have the potential to render the horse totally airborne, suspended!! .. by the act of the rider (from now on called "the hiccuper" - or "th") gripping the horse firmly between the legs and, as the hiccup begins its rise to the top, actually lifting the horse off the ground. Which sort of means that a decent hiccup renders horse and rider weightless for a period of time. Now THAT's a hiccup!!!

Well timed hiccups from "the hiccuper" will create the most elevated and rhythymic piaffe, the passage will have more suspension than anyone ever dreamed, and can you just imagine the one-time flying changes!!!!

Forget half halts. Hiccups can defy gravity!! The rider might fall off in an exhausted and not-feeling-so-good heap - but that mustn't stand in the way of progress!!!

Dedicated (in good humour and fun) to Zorro who is concerned that his dog and his horse might be having a somewhat bizarre relationship and his CAT has run off with the bloke next door. :-)

Not only that .. but he's frightened to bend down at a horse show. Poor lil guy!!

improv
31-01-06, 03:34 PM
Poor Zorro :'(

Does that mean if we're drunk. we'll do brilliant dressage? Yippee!!
Watch out Ulla!!

ROTF, Ernie!

jjm
31-01-06, 03:51 PM
that's absolutely hilarious. so after a big night, we should be piaffing and passaging about all over the shop!!

phoenix_wb
31-01-06, 04:02 PM
The collective marks could be interesting....

Carola
31-01-06, 04:34 PM
If a hiccup has such a remarkable effect, I wonder what a burp or a fart (excuse me) would do...

Whhhhhhhhahahahahahahuuuuuuuh. Pfffffff.

CateH
01-02-06, 01:20 AM
"Lord, give me chastity and continence; but not yet". St. Augustine

Tee hee hee :) I should have tried this last night.... was hiccuping perfectly after my 6 glasses of wine :D

I hope Zorro gets up the nerve to retrieve his make-up kit sometime from the scarey boys at the show!

gg_vice
01-02-06, 05:39 AM
Added impulsion, Carola?
My hubby recently had hiccups for 2 days! DROVE ME NUTS!

Carola
01-02-06, 05:59 AM
.....better than flatulence, gg.......chechechechehehehehe.

gg_vice
01-02-06, 06:08 AM
Mmmmmm... he's male, best I don't comment on that one. Thinking about adding charcoal to his feed :-) though.

Carola
01-02-06, 06:34 AM
oh.... well... hmpf...have you tried putting him on a horse in this condition? You might be on to something there......is he interested in dressage???? Finally the "half halt" is truely demystified and creating impulsion may no longer require whips or spurs. It's all in subtle body aids, isn't it?

gg_vice
01-02-06, 06:41 AM
Aint nothing subtle about it!

Bats_79
01-02-06, 08:11 AM
But for flatulence to be truly effective one must make the committment to a special saddle tree. The wrong tree could interfere with the vibrations and cause the horse to misunderstand your communication. Perhaps even a treeless saddle for effective vibratory communication. :)

JudithNZ
01-02-06, 08:33 AM
Apologies in advance for any offence or cringing this posting may cause :)

Now I feel I am qualified to answer this having had some experience with the 'fart aid'

With careful timing it can produce impulsion to the extreme. Even 'airs above the ground' on the highly trained sensitive beast.

Having trialled this aid by accident whilst aboard a very athletic warmblood I can assure you it is very effective.

It was probably even more effective and vibratory given that I was riding in a Flair Air saddle at the time.

To be truly effective I feel you would need to dispense of your flocked saddles. Flocking would most definately muffle this very useful aid. :)

JudithNZ
01-02-06, 08:35 AM
Reports on the 'burp aid' trial will be given at a later date. :)

gg_vice
01-02-06, 08:58 AM
I think the "burp" aid is only truly useful through correct diaphram control. Care must be taken and control exercised so as to not cause conflict between burp and fart aids. To avoid such confusion it is recommended that chilli and carbonated bevearages not be consumed prior to training and expecially not prior to important competitions.
Just a thought. You see those riders do that little "wiggle" of the seat when they finish saluting, now we know what thats about ;-)

ernie
01-02-06, 11:39 AM
LOL ... I was trying to "keep it nice" .... not a chance with you lot :-)

Care must be taken in the use of the fart aid when one is competing. NEVER use the aid when close to the judge - or anywhere really.

As it is well documented that judges don't know which end is which, the rider may be penalised for use of voice.

Zorro
01-02-06, 12:00 PM
You lot are now guilty of me wetting my pants.
I pissed myself laughing.
I always believed that I should ride a horse with three ayes; two blue and one brown.
Zorro

gg_vice
01-02-06, 12:41 PM
OK this is very good example of the "performance-enhancing-substances-gone-wrong". This rider consumed 6 bowls of chilli con carne before entering the arena. Well - you can see where it all went wrong when he tried to apply the "fart" aid or as we like to call it in classical terms "Pedere' haut que cul" (translated means to fart higher than ones a-hole.
You can see the resistance shown by the horse! Phew!
http://www.willmcneill.com/Images_and_Graphics/horse_fart.jpg

Nicko
01-02-06, 12:48 PM
"Only you and your horse really know who farted."

Pat Parelli - Equitana Brisbane 2002

Zorro
01-02-06, 12:50 PM
I remember long time ago I was giving riding lessons to this “broke snob” and her horse farted a lot.
I always said to here: ”don’t worry it’s your horse”
Zorro

gg_vice
01-02-06, 01:14 PM
It is well known that the spectacular "Airs Above Ground" can only be achieved by the judicious application of the "fart aid" (hence the term "airs above the ground").
Have a look at this classical photo of the capriole taken at the Spanish Riding School of Vienna. The horse can only achieve the impulsion and power to perform such a maneuver with the fart aid.
You can see the "fart aid" has just been applied, look at that expression on the horse! You can see the trainer trying to wave it away. Must have been a ripper!
http://www.imh.org/imh/bw/images/lipfam1.jpg

ernie
01-02-06, 01:38 PM
Oh no no no ... take care with the chilli con carne ... or your fart may not be a fart ....

LOVE the pics ... gg where do you GET this stuff?? Brilliant!!!

gg_vice
01-02-06, 01:57 PM
*sigh* Years of university researching skills put to mis-use.

Zorro
01-02-06, 02:14 PM
I had a lot of fiber for dinner tonight so I will nether ride well tomorrow or wake up in Tokyo.
Zorro

pauper
01-02-06, 02:22 PM
we once hired a gypsy caravn and the horse pulling it had a bad case of flatulence not a pretty thing when your stuck right up his bum.
(i'm not usually proud of this but for this post i'll make a exception)
My daughter can burp the national anthem but what song do you suggest would help her dressage the best
pauper

Zorro
01-02-06, 02:35 PM
I can do one better. I can fart any song you want. However it is a risky business. Once I started from to low key and shited my pants.
Zorro

gg_vice
01-02-06, 02:42 PM
"The Horse Whisperer- The Horses Reply"
http://www.mediagecko.com/news/cutenews/data/upimages/horsefart.gif

jjm
01-02-06, 05:46 PM
thanks pauper and zorro, just snorted red wine all over the keyboard.

reminds me of an old friend who revealed as an adolescent he and his brother decided to record their farts on the family stereo, whilst parents were out - needless to say, he accidentally sh*t all over the stereo!

JudithNZ
02-02-06, 01:38 AM
ROFL Good ones guys. I am laughing so hard my eyes are watering!

CM
02-02-06, 02:35 AM
Oh, but this is deadly serious. The burp/fart/hiccup aid is set to dominate the next Global Dressage Forum.

There are sessions planned for "the scientific evaluation of the potential cruelty involved in subjecting the 'happy herbivore' to the carniverous secretions carried by the fart", and the impact of this on the nervous system of the horse. This will be a live demonstration, with PhDs, powerpoint presentations, and actual horses and riders.

"Burp or Hiccup - introducing the mandatory application of sensitive aural detection devices in the judges box" has potential to upset the applecart - with 2 point deductions for every electronically detected sound emitted by the rider's body or mouth (a sixth judge, or third umpire will decide if the botty burp is intended or incidental, or whether it was in fact emitted by the horse). Apparently, there are more than a few nervous top riders whose very success centres upon their Strictly Sauerkraut diets. This could all be coming to an end!

Apparently, Sjeff and Anky are thrilled and relieved that these new concerns relating to aids formerly considered to be "natural" (and therefore absolved from scrutiny) have taken the heat out of the Rollkur debate.