View Full Version : Supportive OHs?

30-08-07, 06:57 PM
I've always thought that my OH (of 11 years) has been supportive of my horsey pursuits. He doesn't whinge *too* much about the money or time spent on them and he feeds the cats when I'm away at a show.

But, when recently reading several interviews the QH journal, I noticed that most of the people being interviewed thanked their OH for being supportive, helping at shows etc. This got me thinking and I realised that OH rarely comes to see my horses. He's seen my yearling colt once, never comes to shows and didn't realise that up until recently, I hadn't ridden for over two years!

I've ridden/shown at 5 Royals - he's only come to see me at one and even then he arrived so late he got to the ring just as I was coming out of my last class (I'd been showing over three days, mind). AND he was living only 25km from the RAS showgrounds at the time! I've ridden at over 10 TTT events and he only came to one because he was the team's mandatory helper. I've been doing the Western thing for over 7 years now and I don't think he's even come to a western show.

I tackled him on this the other night and said it would be nice if he came to see the horses once in a while, and I would really love it if he could come see us at a show this season. He said *if* I take the colt to the State show this season he *might* come watch, if he's not working! ARGH!!!!!

Now I don't expect him to be all enthusiastic and help or anything, nor do I expect him to get up at 3AM and drive 3 hours to go to a show in Woop Woop - he can visit us at a local show. Would it be too much to ask for him to come see the horses (or come to a show), give them a pat and say something daft like "oh, he's looking very shiny"??

I should mention at this point that I do occasionally go along to his boring basketball/cricket/some other stupid sport match and watch him play. I also pretend to be interested when he gives blow by blow descriptions of the game, if I wasn't there to be bored to death in person.


30-08-07, 08:23 PM

I do understand I have the same problems with my guy. I honestly believe they just don't think about those sorts of things. If you have not brought it up before and said you feel disapointed he does not want to take more of an interest or supoort you in your hobby he may not have thought to do it???

I know it makes them sound like idiots but I think they just think differently to us:)

My OH said he didn't realise I wanted him to be there when I went to events, as I had my family there to support. After I told him it made me sad he started coming along aand really getting into it.

30-08-07, 11:07 PM
my hubby is similar too. He won't even come to pony club to watch his daughter. He has 'popped in' to a show a couple of times but that is only because I bribed him with the BBQ and he happened to be passing. When he has 'popped in' to an interschools comp that my daughter is doing, my daughters face says it all, she is so happy that her dad has come to watch her ride, even though he doesn't stay for long and generally doesn't see her ride because its lunchtime!! I do feel sorry for my daughter. I did get my husband to video me once or twice at a dressage comp. He came just in time for my test and videoed it, said 'well done' and then left!! He was there all of 10 mins. Still at least I got it videoed!!

Most of the time though, my sons dirt bike club events clash with my horsey events, so he is taking our son to these. This suits me fine because then he can't complain that I'm off with the horses nearly every weekend!!

Last weekend, because all horsey events were cancelled, I had to go and watch the dirt bike club competition. We had to get up at 5.30am to get there. I have to say though that I did enjoy watching my son compete and didn't mind being there, I thought it would be nice to spend some time with my husband, but my husband spent the whole time talking to other people and I ended up just sitting there watching with my daughter. It was much like the horse shows (but noisier and smellier), lots of hanging around waiting for each different comp to start for each age group. I guess now I'll be going to all his club days etc. as I can't go to shows. The thing is, I don't mind, where as if it was the other way round, and my husband had to come to shows with me and my daughter, then he would mind.

He says watching horses going round in circles is boring. I guess it would be if you weren't 'into' it all. I think watching racing cars going round and round a race track is boring!!


30-08-07, 11:19 PM
I really feel for you girls.

I must be the luckiest woman alive,my OH feeds my horses when I'm not there (alot of the time) happily pulls out winter coats from unrugged horses, is almost finished completely stripping down my horse float (complete with new floor,paintwork, checkerplating - more than it had orignally, decals, upholstery,etc, etc), never ever complains about the money, orders and picks up feed, sources bulk lucerne, encourages me to buy new gear (last 12 months new Big Horn western saddle & new Bates Caprilli dressage saddle plus bridles etc), has pushed me into attending a Sandi Simons confidence camp - was supposed to be this coming week which is why he is working flat out on the float(when I said pushed me it was me that had difficulty spending the money not him!!!), has purchased 3 new horses for me over the past 2 years - all of which I have only ridden two or three times - confidence issues. Booked a cottage for the duration of the camp and then on the Friday is (was) going to catch a bus 300km so we could spend the rest of the weekend at Maleny and drive home together.

I could go on and on. He doesn't ride and the few times he did it was for me.

When I asked him why - he said it's because he sees the pleasure and contentment on my face and to him to have me happy is the most important thing in his life. We have had this discussion a zillion times and he knows what the horses mean to me.

My only suggestion is maybe one night whilst sharing a glass or two of wine explain to him how important your horse are to you and why, mine I think is because during a very unhappy childhood they gave me an escape and security, maybe then he will understand and realise what an inportant part of you they are.

As I said I am the luckiest woman alive and eventhough we have had our share of ups and down my OH is my best best friend and I say thankyou everyday.

30-08-07, 11:45 PM
My BF always asks how my lessons went, and is presently trying to design our new house renovations so that when I get a float again, we can get it through the garage into the backyard. I know he'll be there in a few months when this EI crisis subsides, helping me shove my reluctant young horse onto a float to drag him to his first competition. He's not all that actively involved, but he knows how important it is to me and gives me the freedom to do what I want. It's a tradeoff, I'm not all that interested in a couple of things he does, eg mountainbiking, but I can totally understand the attraction so support him in that.

My last boyfriend would occasionally drive me to feed the horses, but would stand at the gate in his $500 Ayrton Senna car racing shoes and refuse to venture into the paddock because of the manure!

Cheekyspirt 26
31-08-07, 12:44 AM
My OH is exceptionally supportive, but he does not come and watch me compete in anyway shape or form. :)

He makes me to nervous when he is there LOL. But he waits for my text messages on how we are doing. If I am away overnight, I know that all of the horses are fed and taken care of.

Our 23 year old mare foaled down the other night, he was the one who assisted the Holly by pulling the foal out (big foal and quite stuck) :)

This is my city slicker OH turned professional rural fencer. Yep ladies and gents he was a surfie in his younger days.

He goes without everything (except his beer) to ensure my horses having everything I want for them.

So I am very lucky to have such a supportive OH, even though we argue about all things until the cows come home :( we are working on this. We are both exceptionally pasionate people so probably to stubbern for our own good LOL.

I love him and he loves me. He also adores my son (we met after he is was born) We are coming up to our 7 years together (next weekend actually).

He is even trying to learn to ride and doing very well for the record.

31-08-07, 12:58 AM
Hey - as long as he's not telling you to "get rid of all those bl**dy horses", I'd be happy. At least if he doesn't get too involved, he won't know how much it all costs :)

31-08-07, 12:59 AM
My OH is supportive as well. He lets me have the horses and pays the bills without any worries at all.

But like Shelbypark, that is as far as it goes. He is happy to help if I ask (like the other day I needed a hand chnging some bandages and he came and helped) but he hasn't been to see me out and about for over 10 years. I'd love it if he came and took some pics one day as he takes lovely photos but I am not holding my breath.

t aliga
31-08-07, 01:54 AM
My other half has been to every show except two when we were fighting, but he even tried to pursuade me to come to them! He's come a long way from being scared of them 6 yrs ago. He will never be a rider, but he feeds and rugs daily with me and when i'm not here. Our money is seperate so he doesn't care what i spend plus he gives me money towards them at times and brought me a $600 bridle, gets them treats etc. Is encouraging me to buy a new saddle as i'm tight with money but he says there what i do so why not get the best saddle. he hates me selling them and gets very upset (as do i) But i've had to sell a couple to cut back so we can start a family. I think he cry's more than me when they go. He helps train the foals on the ground which he now has a knack for with most things, just have to get him to time his pressure release better as soon as they make an attempt. But if the colt is dancing around and doesn't want to have his feet picked up or hop on the float, whatever, he'll gently work with it and in two mins it's perfect! I got an extremely nervous mare that wouldn't come near you and he fell in love with her and was in the paddock trying to make friends with her every day after work, sure enough she now loves him and he still pets her! He plays soccer with them! Used too come to my lessons when his work hrs allowed it, but has only been once in the last couple of yrs when it was on a public holiday. He now has no fear of them (except of riding) and pets them to no end! The poor bugger gets home from work to unload a whole float of feed bags.. I guess he's pretty good when i think about it, i wouldn't keep him otherwise!

31-08-07, 02:04 AM
My OH is in the mid way range.

He will feed & rug for me when I am not home, and I must admit -has gone from the I hate horses bloke to one that has quite a soft spot for them... He has even admitted that he likes my young horse the best (this was the horse that no way was I going to bring home....)because he likes head pats, and the other one is just too arrogant!

But he isnt big on coming to shows. So we have a deal. If I have to travel more than 200km from home, or stay overnight, then he will come (if he isnt working) but anything under the 200km then often I go by myself.

Needless to say, showing by yourself can be more stressful and you have to be so much better organised, and as a result my horses have no floating issues at all....
And I have gotten really good at asking strangers to help me get my top boots off.....

But he is good at fencing, doesnt complain too much about new gear - on occasion I will get the look and the 'do you really need it?'
So I cant complain...


31-08-07, 02:06 AM
ohhh some of these have brought tears to my eyes, it is so cute that "some" OH's are so supportive, willing to help and to go to competitions, i can only hope that my next BF will be like some described on here..I think its really important that both parties are activly involved in one anothers hobbies and that partners understand how happy it can make someone, i have a story quite similar to a post on this thread, horses were my outlet for a not so fantastic childhood and they were and still are my escape, i dont know what i would have done without a horse in my life!

31-08-07, 02:10 AM
Im with you REG in asking strangers for random favours, i get quite worked up about it though, i scan the crowd though before asking anyone for help, so far i havent been turned away, maybe a bit of a pain in the backside, but i would be willing to help out anyone at a show, i know how tough it is for me and im sure there's plenty of others in the same boat

31-08-07, 04:37 AM
My husband is fabulous, he's buying me feed on the way home tonight :)

He always comes to shows if I ask him to, but I don't ask that often. Mainly only bigger shows where I'd like to be videoed :)

He puts up with the spare bedroom being a tack room and doesn't complain too much when that spreads to the loungeroom and well every other room of the house!!!

I love that he listens to every nitty gritty detail and makes an effort to understand. But most of all he just wants me to be happy and that's ultimately what counts :)

31-08-07, 07:14 AM
Not sure what class you'd put my OH in.
Whinges and whines about horses, feed & costs and would only ever feed out if you could drive the ute along and drop it as you went ow and a case of cold ones in the passenger seat.
Comes to horse events never leaves the camp cooks breakfast right when we all need to be on riding and sulks when his bacon & eggs are rejected. Moans he wants company when you are plaiting or feeding after dark.
Did come ringside once to help: handed him the horse whilst I had to sort out 5 year old and her mount to turn around and found he'd returned to truck and unsaddled the horse - didn't think I needed it anymore.
Only appears ringside now to watch major awards and tell everyone "thats our horse".
Tells everyone that cares to listen the plastic bags from Horseland are worth more than any gucci bag a women would buy. Calls them teh expensive handbag.
Threatens to leave if we add one more horse, just one more should have left 30 odd times but always gives us one more chance.
The same OH which last weekend in the pouring rain and no exhaust on the old tractor planted a paddock of lucerne, after he'd finished work. An updates the foals progress to everyone in town - but he hates those horses waste of money - "when is the next show".
Did I mention he came to watch at a royal 3 weeks after having his hip replaced (camping that year was fun but didn't want to stay at a motel away from horses).

Cheekyspirt 26
31-08-07, 07:27 AM
See all of our OH's have very unique ways of being supportive.

Mine rang earlier to also ask if I needed feed picked up, funny thing was he had no money, LOL, but the thought was there.

I to be honest think that any OH that puts up with our horses and us and the fact that we can talk horses for hrs on end without getting tired, are pretty damn good.

31-08-07, 07:44 AM
My OH is truly wonderful. I have an illness that sometimes leaves me crippled for days at a time. He will feed the horses, rugs, water and feeds me in bed too! Not to mention the dog.

He has been to every event Ive competed at since we met and he helps, blacks the hooves and brushed tails. He is not a horse man so he doesnt saddle for me, or drive the car because the live movement of the horses on the float bothers him. But if he didnt come and help with the little things at comps, I wouldnt be able to compete as I get fatigued very easily and simply couldnt do it all and compete as well. He puts the float on and takes it off, puts tailgate up and down. Always videos for me and he has never ever once said, Id rather stay home this weekend. Mind you Im lucky to do 5 comps a year becuase of my health, but without him that wouldnt even be happening.He gets almost as excited as I do if we do well too...lol


31-08-07, 08:01 AM
Well I wish that I had even a smidge of what everyone has mentioned. My OH is not supportive at all.
Will not come and see my horses (has on the odd occasion, but only after me asking, and asking and asking...) I would like him to see them more often, not to help out, but just to spend a bit of time with me doing something that I love.
He does not pick up feed for me or help unloading it when I buy it. Complains about my horses, pretty much daily, which causes a huge amount of stress for me. He has never made up a feed for me, never fed them for me, never looked after them for me.
I even asked him to come and help me unload a round bale out of our trailer the other day because it was big and heavy and STUCK and he refused. I had to struggle with it myself. He doesn't understand the fact that my horses are some of the most precious things in my life - to him they are just a waste of money and space.
He will spend all the time under the sun talking to me about his car's, other people's car's (I seriously couldn't care less) and I am supposed to show some interest, yet I don't get anything but angst and stress from him about my horses. He will spend thousands of dollars doing up his car (has come close to $30,000 in the last 6 months alone) yet I am just wasting money when I buy feed.
I love him to bits (he is a really nice, genuine guy who apparently hates horses) but it does get me down when I am always having to defend my passion. :(

31-08-07, 08:10 AM
Hmmm,Sorry to hear this Eclipse, it msut make it hard for you. Is he hoping if he holds out long enough that you'll prefer him over the horses and you'll give them up?

Doesnt sound like a 50/50 relationship there. Mine isnt 50/50 either, its more like yours but the other way around, my guy doesnt have any hobbies, he loves the horses and I think maybe he loves me too and is happy to spend his onr day off some weekends and spend the day with me.And Im just an also ran in my comps, I dont get to ride often enough to be really competitive, maybe thats why he likes coming with me, its all fun even if I come last.. which has happened more than once I must say....lol.


31-08-07, 08:37 AM
I read this bit

"mine I think is because during a very unhappy childhood they gave me an escape and security,"

and cried.

Thats me!!!!!


31-08-07, 10:03 AM
Oh, it's nice to hear that I'm definetly not alone! I had to laugh at Mandybale 'bribeing' OH with a BBQ and he happened to be passing. The one and only time OH came to see me at the Summer Royal (when he missed my classes) he arrived late because he had just played 18 holes at the Werribee golf course with a mate and 'dropped in' afterwards!

I'm now DETERMINED to take the colt to VQHA congress so I can make OH live up to his promise }> :D


31-08-07, 10:31 AM
Actually for someone who hates horses, my OH was pretty good when I had horses. He even fed and rugged them for me one night when I was late. Pretty good considering I don't think he's ever rugged a horse before.

Fair Embrace
01-09-07, 06:18 AM
I'm lucky I suppose mine OH is in it with me, only problem with that is the arguments you have over treatments, whether or not to rug, what supplements to put them on, what sort of bit to use, what colour all the tack has to be, what feed the new horse goes on and it goes on and on.
He thinks I won't let them be horses and I baby them, I say "so what?" It doesn't hurt to give them a whole lot of love. Our views differ quite a lot that is why I can see the bonus in the non supportive OH. I probably wouldn't give mine up though there's always a way to get it done my way!

01-09-07, 07:50 AM
Sometimes I think my OH, likes his horse more than me! When we first got her I would get out to open the gate and he would drive off in such a hurry to see her, get to the other end of the paddock and stand there like a dope, wondering where I had gotton too. Not that I am complaining, I am very lucky to have found such a great horse for him, without her I would probably be doing a lot more by myself.

She a very kind horse, but still a challange and has built his confidence amazingly (and we saved her from the knackery). The OH feeds, trims feet, even does my horses if a ask nicely enough, rugs etc. Although at every oppurtunity I tell him, his horsemanship skills are amazing and his riding is improving (the odd white lie never hurt, if it is encouraging) and I never ask him to play horse on Friday afternoon (pub night) and Sunday afternoon (pool comp).

He didn't even get too cranky, when I went and put an offer on 12 acres of land, so we can live with our horsies (still not sure how we are going to pay for it). No complaints here.

01-09-07, 10:52 AM
All of you who have OH's who are fully or even partially supportive are so lucky, go & give them a big kiss tonight! Do any of these dreamy guys have single 30-40yo brothers? ;)
I had a very supportive OH who got bitten by the bug when I took him to watch the eventing at Wooroloo in WA. Xcountry in particular got him interested, we had been at the water complex & were watching horses gallop across open field & he turned to me & said "I really want to learn how to do that!" When I told him if he did eventing he would have to do dressage as well, this 48yo screwed his face up like a little kid & said maybe he would just do SJ then.
We were shopping for horses & property to buy after wedding in Nov, but broke up 2 months ago. As pissed off as I was at that fool, I have him to thank for encouraging me to get back into horses after many many years, and talking me into buying my new colt who I love to bits!