View Full Version : N/H ---- Very Depressed

21-06-08, 11:23 PM
Sorry to do this to all you guys out there, I just wanted to chat to who ever. Have just had major issues with the OH & now it looks like our relationship is very very close to end. I love him so much and have done all that I can to try and make him see my side of things and understand that I just crave his affection.

Oh I sorry for doing this. I'm upset and depressed and he wont talk to me. Haven't really been able to stop the tears all day today. My only comfort is my horses, such unconditional love.

I'm sorry again for this guys, just kinda needed to get a little bit of it out.

21-06-08, 11:50 PM
Talk it out with anyone who will listen.

Depression can be a normal part of life if it runs for a fairly short period - if we are lucky, we all go through the full range of human emotions and that's not a bad thing as you really appreciate the good times when you've suffered through the bad. If the depression becomes long term associated with tiredness, lack of motivation, eating problems, sleep problems and no laughing or happiness, then you need to seek medical help and don't hesitate or think it's a sign of weakness or think you can handle it yourself.

Brain chemicals are very, very complex and with severe depression you have an imbalance which needs to be fixed. Strangely enough, you can trick the brain a little bit, for instance, the wonderful brain chemicals produced by laughing can be produced by FAKE laughing - so you don't actually have to feel happy and amused at something to get the benefit of them: if you are alone right now sit back from the computer and force yourself to do a couple of big, deep belly laughs. Pretend you are acting for a movie and have to laugh and laugh. Do that five times a day and it does help a little bit.

It also helps to understand the wonderful old expression of, 'sh!t happens' - sometimes there's no real reason, no real plan, no fate or karma or anything else to explain it away. It happens and you just have to cope. Relationships end because they do. If it ends because one of the couple cheats on the other, don't blame the cheating - it ended before that even happened. If it ends because you've drifted apart and he doesn't want to talk to you, then you need to understand that it is OK for it to end: you can't hold it together with your love.

Your depression may well be grieving - just as we grieve for losing a loved one, we also grieve for the loss of a relationship. How you handle that grieving is a test of your inner strength. You cannot revive a dead relationship with obsession and love and a craving of his affection. Simply ask him if it is really over, and if he says it is and there is nothing left of the relationship to revive, then step away. You will find those naughtly little brain chemicals have you 'addicted' to him: the ones associated with love are the very same ones associated with addiction to drugs, alcohol, pornography, thrills, sex, cigarettes, etc. You will go through the same withdrawals as any other person deprived of the source of their addiction. But that's OK - experience it and use it to help you understand how we complex little human animals work because we are interesting critters!

Don't get angry and vengeful. Those stories of women who cut up their men's clothes or try and destroy something in their life might amuse us a bit, but there's no need to try and make anyone else suffer just because you are suffering. Look at some of the people on this forum who have health problems that may end their lives: problems shouldn't make us want to hurt others, they should make us want to live our life to the best and fullest it can be lived.

Cry it out - crying is good. Tears contain far more hormones than normal body fluids so it's a good way to get rid of the build up in your system.

Exercise hard. The body can produce some darned good chemicals with hard exercise: walk and walk and walk and if you are fit enough, run... run it out of your system and keep on running until tiredness leaves no room for anything else. Exercise is one of the enemies of depression which wants your body to sit around and do nothing. Force your body into action.

Get on the phone and ring around to find out who needs volunteer help at the moment: meals on wheels, the local old aged home, the cancer ward at hospital, anything that requires you to help others in a worse situation than your own will help you keep your own problems in perspective.

Most relationships end - that's cold, hard statistics. I've been with Chris for 26 years now and, believe me, I thought it would end many times but we are both so bloody lazy that divorce would really be too much effort. I may seriously consider murder at times, but divorce is such a messy thing! But if that is the way you are going with the OH, good luck and don't try and hang on to something that is already dead. Hold your head high, understand the addictive, destructive nature of some of those brain chemicals that are going to be produced, and know that you can survive without a man (it's nice to have one around, mind you, but you can survive without one... they're not lungs even though many are full of hot air).

This roller coaster we call life goes up and down - at the moment you are heading into a mighty big dip, but hold tight and stay in the car and soon it will climb back up again. Don't ever consider stepping off the ride just because it's at a low point.

Leanne O.

"He liked to like people, therefore people liked him." Mark Twain

21-06-08, 11:50 PM
Sorry to hear.. please keep your head up and things will get better. Talking is the greatest help through the hard times.

Give him time and hopefully he will see things in your light and work through it.

My horse is my therapy in so many ways, for depression, for my worries and stress, he's my best friend, and he never judges. They do wonders for the soul!

22-06-08, 12:04 AM
Thank You very much for that.

I honestly don't know what direction to take. I'm craving to hear from him and I just can't stop crying. Small things crack me up & I see so many things that make me think of him.

Its even harder when all I want to do is be with people and everyone of my friends has other plans. This wasn't supposed to happen and I really am having trouble coping with it all.

22-06-08, 12:13 AM
I am sorry to hear about your situation.

Make sure you have people you can be open about your situation to. Tell them to keep an eye on you, eg call you everyday to see how you are, or pop in for a cuppa etc.

Can you get your OH to counselling? It can be very helpful, the hardest part is often getting a guy there in the first place. Contact Relationahips Australia for help. Just google them.

Read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I found it to be a very interesting read about the different ways people express their love. U can prob get it from the library. I am sure there are other good books out there, but I really related to this book. I think it is a good book for even people in current happy relationships to read.

If you think u are depressed you need to go to your GP or consult a psychologist for help. http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
Check out the black dog institute as well.

Also I like the Dr Phil website (people tease me about this, but I don't care anymore. My friends call him Dr Crap, LOL). I think he has some valid info, other stuff I don't agree with.

Stay Strong!


22-06-08, 12:17 AM
Hi Twisted youth you have a PM :)
regards Pauper


22-06-08, 12:26 AM

I have replied!!

22-06-08, 01:02 AM
Seriously It makes it even harder when he is on the computer (msn) and wont talk to me.

22-06-08, 01:22 AM
Hi Twisted youth now listen to Nanna Pauper and block him! even better delete him completly, seeing him online is going to tear your heart out and you dont need this.


22-06-08, 01:35 AM
I can't do it, I just can't do it. I so badly want to talk to him, I want to know everything is ok.

22-06-08, 01:41 AM
Hi Twisted youth you are a lot stronger than you think :)
have you ever fallen of a horse? well relationships are a bit like that, its scary when a horse bucks or we fall off, but we have to sit tight and see it through not matter what our nerves or mind is telling us!

Now that PM i sent you, dont forget to use it if you need to :)
cheers Pauper


22-06-08, 01:41 AM

Sorry you are feeling so terrible. Crying does help :) . How old is this man, is a young man? I'm coming to the realisation men should be avoided till they get past 30 }( hahaha.

I once went out with one that acted in a similar fashion, blew me off totally and I didnt see how he was treating me and can't believe now that I let myself be walked over. Sadly can not say that I learnt my lesson x(. Try and remember that you may be upset, but maybe he isn't worth the tears.

Definitely delete him, but be weary that he may not actually be online he may be just logged in.

22-06-08, 01:47 AM
I know. Yes i have fallen many a times and yeah i know what you are saying.

I'll use it don't you worry. ;-)

22-06-08, 01:48 AM
Hi Docs star sorry but you have it all wrong ;) men should not be avoided till they are 30, they should be kept in cages and only brought out for breeding purposes, and the ones that dont make good stallion matiral, we geld }(


22-06-08, 01:50 AM
No no they should be able to carry the children, but I suppose we could give birth then lock them in with the male to care for.

22-06-08, 01:53 AM

I kinda think your on the right track with that! Cage 'em up.

Docs Star, he's 24.

22-06-08, 01:57 AM
Hi Twisted youth have got a pressie for you


A slap a day (or a hundred LOL), keeps the blues away :)

22-06-08, 02:02 AM
"No no they should be able to carry the children, but I suppose we could give birth then lock them in with the male to care for"

Welllllll ..... if us 'men' had to carry & push them little suckers out ... there would only EVER be ONE child families .... as NO man would be STOOPID enough to ever do THAT again !!! }( }( }(

22-06-08, 02:08 AM
maybe he's avoiding you cause you're being too needy. give him space and settle down. stop asking if it is all right. that tends to annoy people. i repeat. give him space.

22-06-08, 02:47 AM
I have always given him his space and I have never been told I'm too needy. I have only ever asked for his affection. I am the sort of person who needs to know that I am loved and wanted.... Is that too much to ask??

22-06-08, 03:23 AM
All I can say is that things tend to happen for a reason. And guys at 24 can be incredibly immature and quite often dont like being tied down too much.

In my mind you want a man who will go out of his way to make you happy. You shouldnt have to ask for affection or anything, he should want to do it (and you shouldnt have to doubt how they feel about you). If he doesnt, then maybe he just isnt worthy of your love. Whilst it hurts at the time, eventually you can find someone much better!

I also think that sometimes a relationship gets to a point where even if it is right, you just need time apart.

Take my situation for example. I spent 18 months with the most wonderful guy. We suited each other really well. Except I felt he didnt quite care enough about me, or at least not to the extend that I cared about him. Got to the point where I was completely miserable, and ended it, hardest thing ever believe me. But I knew I deserved someone who was completely in love with me and wasnt afraid to show it. I ended up moving interstate for work for a bit, concentrated on me and got my career sorted. Had a bit of a thing with another guy whilst away which didnt work out and left me rather distraught for while (was actually my best friend and he treated me exceptionally badly and ruined an 11 year friendship!). But since I have been home have been hanging out with my ex as friends. Now, almost exactly 12 months later, we are both completely different people, both matured considerably and gotten our lives sorted, and it would appear we may be getting back together. Now everything between us feels a million times better. Its not something I would have ever expected to happen, thought it was all over, yet it feels absolutely perfect.

Anyway, moral of the story is if things arent working, and you have tried your best, sometimes its time to let go and concentrate on yourself, and see what life throws your way. Breaking up with this guy might be the best thing ever if it gives you the chance to meet your real soulmate. Or it may just allow you both to grow up a bit so you can resume a relationship later on.

So feel free to fall in a heap and be a miserable mess, everyone needs to do that for awhile. I know exactly what its like craving a guy and having someone you love refuse to talk to you (went through that with interstate guy). But know that the pain goes away eventually and you do find happiness again.

Chocolate and horses help too!!!

22-06-08, 03:28 AM
ty .... what you need to understand about men is that they come pre-programmed from the factory to understand & BELIEVE that the whole world revolves around THEM, their needs, wants & desires !!!

It takes a lot of 'un-programming' for them to finally realise that the aforementioned is only a reality in THIER mind ???

You CAN'T make someone do, think say or FEEL anything ... they have to work it out for themselves ??? All you can control is you & what your actions are ???

Understand that what your going thru probably is NOTHING to do with you at all ... it is ALL about HIM !!!He has to work out what he wants & nothing you do or say will expedite HIS 'journey' !!!

You could do with someone to confide in & bounce your thought off .... although nothing THEY can do or say will change how 'he' thinks ???

The only thing you can do is leave it to HIM to work out just WTF HE really wants ???

Don't beat yourself up over what you could have or should have done ... it's NOT about you or anything you have said or done ???

Keep busy ... work hard, ride hard & leave him to work out just what he wants .... because it is beyond your control !!!

22-06-08, 03:39 AM
Thanks Guys, all your kind words have been very helpful and it has helped for me to be able to talk about things a bit more. I have in fact spent a lot of today on the phone to friends, but yet i craved that little something from you know who. It never happened, but i think he will in time be able to talk to me and we may be able to sort things out. He does need to grow up a little, but i guess we all do.

I would love to be able to be able to go jump on my horses and go for a ride, but i feel that in the mood i am in, i don't think it would work well with the horse. I don't like riding when I am in a bad mood nor upset, i find it reflects onto my horse.

22-06-08, 05:01 AM
I agree with what others say. You need to block him on MSN and cease contact for a bit. Give him some space.

If u find you think about him 24/7 you need to stop this! Very hard, I know. One strategy is to dedicate a certain time of the day, each day when u write in a diary (scrap paper-whatever) about ur feelings re this situation for an hour or how ever long u need (maybe even 15 mins). Then once u have poured out your feelings in ur diary, shut the diary and don't think about him until the next day at the same time where you write about your feelings. Everytime u start to think about him at "unscheduled" times, consciously stop your self and then remind yourself that you have a time "booked in" to think and write about him. Don't read and dwell on what you have written previously. Perhaps you might like to give this strategy a go. Doesn't work for everyone, but some people find it effective.


22-06-08, 11:56 PM
Ok so I am feeling a little bit better today. I still have to make sure I don't think about him as much, but its getting better. I've been talking to friends all day and even managed to get out of the house and go to a clearing sale down the road. Didn't quite take my mind off things but it was a start.

I did in fact hear from him today and we are going to be adults and sit down and have a discussion later tonight Face to Face. So we will see how it goes.

Thanks Again Everyone!

Oh and Pauper..... I haven't forgot..... expect something......:-)

23-06-08, 02:15 AM
Hi Twisted youth thats good you are feeling better today, it will take a while but you'll get there :)

Now about tonight there are 3 very important things to remember, no crying, it will only make you feel more vunerable,
( you young uns turn your heads away for this one) no under any circumstances get into bed with him, and thirdly if he asks you back, do not say yes straight away, give yourself time to think over what you have been going though.

But what ever happens remember your CH buddies are here for you :)
good luck Pauper

23-06-08, 04:16 AM
For pete's sake, this is an equestrian forum not a bleeding hearts blog.

23-06-08, 04:22 AM
So if topic was "i split up with my partner and it has affected my horse-manship" it would be permissable ?

23-06-08, 03:08 PM
No, no, no Freckles - the subject would have to include some form of equine depression, surely...

As in "My partner and I have split up, and my horse senses I no longer wish to the Alpha mare, and has rejected my attempts to get him to comfort me."

(With respect, honeybun - I wasn't poking fun at you in this very hard time for you, but at the people who feel compelled to not only enter a conversation that annoys them, but then to comment on the very same...)
All the very best of integrity to you, and may the strength of yourself be found. xxx

23-06-08, 03:33 PM
Sweetie no lady should be with a man who does not pander to her every need.

So forget him, don't go chasing or wanting any man who does not want you with as much passion back. There are so many worthy men out there, don't waste your time with any one who does not love and treasure you.

If you are honest with yourself you will already realize that the relationship was not what it should have been. Good relationships are trusting, honest, caring, loving, giving, fun times and great sex. And no great sex does not constitute a good relationship.

So do something for yourself to move on, stop all contact, block from computer, delete numbers from phone, go have a facial, go to the hair dresser, buy a new out fit and go have lunch in nice busy restaurant on your own. Enrol in a course that interests you. Visit people who you have not visited for a while and be positive, no one really wants to talk about him. Simply out of sight out of mind.

23-06-08, 03:59 PM

23-06-08, 04:51 PM
Freckles .... come over here & let me give you a big HUG !!! :D :D :D

23-06-08, 05:09 PM
Only manly hugs tho steveo ....


23-06-08, 05:12 PM
Well after seeing your cartoon ... I was a bit apprehensive ... just in case you went to 'slip the tongue in' !!! }( }( }(

23-06-08, 05:16 PM
slipping the tongue in eh ?

hrrrrm, 50 bucks and you reckon you can slip something else in :)

23-06-08, 06:02 PM
And Twistedyouth is depressed about LOSING one of you slippery critters called men? Agh. Go slip into something more comfortable, guys, crack open a beer, drink half the carton so all we girls look pretty, and then fall into bed unconscious so the next morning we can tell you how great you were while we breathe a sigh of relief that once more we slipped away from you.

23-06-08, 06:23 PM
That's an unfair Lea. But then, that's life isnt it.

PS: I don't even like beer.

23-06-08, 06:37 PM
>For pete's sake, this is an equestrian forum not a bleeding
>hearts blog.

Seriously, If you don't like reading a particular thread DON'T READ IT. There has never been a rule saying that everything ahs to be on topic with horses, hence we all post NON HORSE realted items.
Oh and FYI..... who ever mentioned bleeding hearts???

Thanks to the rest of you who have been supportive. Its nice to know that there ARE some genuine people out there. I could mention a few of you, but you people already know who you are.

:7 ;)

23-06-08, 06:58 PM
Lot of good advice here :) particularly from Nana Pauper and Lea Owens...possibly even from the "Y" side of things (frecks & sparrow).

Anyone who has ever loved goes through this at least once in a life time and it is always earth shattering. I know I've picked shattered bits of my heart out of the gutter before.

Of course it's hard on you right now and nothing makes that better in the short term...it's a reflection of how much it meant to you. All you can do is be there for yourself, hard as it is kick on with your own life and show him you don't need him (you really don't you know). Don't chase/stalk(scary and unattractive), roll your eyes and walk away (unload on mates if needs be) and become comfortable in your own skin without needing another (always attractive). He might come back, he might not, I think you will find someone better.

In the short term hang out with your horses, bury you face in a mane and breath in their comfort...possibly best not to school seriously if you head is not in the best place but just be :)


23-06-08, 07:08 PM
I hear ya darling!! If people don't wanna read something then don't no need to leave rude comments etc! Just think of KARMA sweetie it will turn around and bite them on the ass don't you worry :)

Human Men...... the one breed we will never understand!!! Chin up sweet cheeks :)

Here are some good things to remember :)


to the man himself!! http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll116/mazwho/sayings-2-1.jpg

Chin up darling and smile because evrytime you smile someone is falling in love with it :)

Emily Murray
Far Horizons Lodge-(FHL)

23-06-08, 07:15 PM
Cherish and remember the love of your family friends and most importantly your horsies!! Go home and snuggle into their neck, cover your face in their mane and ball your eyes out baby girl :) Its good to let it all out :) I honestly think you CAN and you WILL find someone bigger and better than this current man of yours sweet heart :) And if he isn't going to be the man he's meant be then he aint worth it hun :)

We are all here for you and my heart goes out to you, i have mended my broken heart on 2 major occasions and nothing helps more than your horses and you family and friends sweet pea :)

lots of love hugs kisses and warm wishes

Ems xxxxx

Emily Murray
Far Horizons Lodge-(FHL)

23-06-08, 08:30 PM
Frecks........ I just loved that cartoon....

I think it's great to hear from the boys on topics such as this...their perspective can be what you really need sometimes ;)

I know I've been in the position of falling hard for a guy in my youth... and then wanting it all, when he was just to friggin' young / immature. Or just picking the wrong guy in the first place.

The hardest lesson I've learned is that they're either into you or they're not. If they ARE, then you'll get the affection, in some way shape or form. If they're not, there ain't nothin' you can do about gettin' it, or gettin' it back.

I don't know your situation, but I hope that you can work it out, and if you can't - remember that time does heal the heart, and you'll find someone who will return your feelings in the future. You might just have to kiss a few frogs (or Sparrows }( ) first :D ((()))


Horse sense - something that horses have that stops them betting on humans

23-06-08, 08:58 PM
Thanks Cate: Rather poignant peice isnt it .....

23-06-08, 09:40 PM
i think you boys should show her a little TLC :) show her how real men can love!! :)

Emily Murray
Far Horizons Lodge-(FHL)

23-06-08, 09:54 PM
"show her how real men can love!!"

So just WHERE would we find any 'real' men here ??? :+

23-06-08, 10:51 PM
Show who a little TLC ?? -

All i got in return the last time i showed that was to feel suicidal and depressed ...

23-06-08, 10:51 PM

23-06-08, 11:05 PM
Oh woe is you Freckles :-(

One must love to be loved.

Each new love, should be loved as if it is your first love :-)

One should jump in to love boots and all :-)

Aah the romance of love !

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

23-06-08, 11:09 PM
Like a vulture arnt you ...

Circling, slowly circling, untill your prey is too weak, then you descend. Well lemme tell you a bit about this carcass:

There's no flesh to pick at, only sharp bones that will stab your eyes out

24-06-08, 01:05 AM
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." Friedrch Neitzsche

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu


Horse sense - something that horses have that stops them betting on humans

24-06-08, 01:17 AM
Rather Insightful.

I must say, even if some of u have been making "Fun" I have seen it all in good jest and actually had a bit of a giggle on somethings. I was always taught that if You can't laugh at something... then maybe you shouldn't bother. You should always be able to see the light side of things. I know you may now think I contradicting myself, but I don't see it that way. Some things are more complicated than others.