View Full Version : Why is it so?

Stablemate (Guest)
06-06-01, 08:49 AM
Why is it that the horsie world is wrought with backstabbing, gossip and bitchiness? Why is it that the people you think are your friends turn out to be anything but that? I make a point of never getting involved in the petty side to the horseworld, I pretty much keep to myself - I do not compete, I just ride because I love riding and I love my horse. I am stunned and shocked to find out that people I thought were my friends have for reasons unknown to me turned against me, especially one friend in particular. This person, I have gone out of my way to help, and I mean out of my way, and now what I get back in return is basically a slap in the face and a "get stuffed, you have served your purpose". I am so confused and upset as I have done nothing to upset these people. Why on earth do people act this way, it appears rife especially in the horsie world. Sorry for the whinge but I had to get this off my chest.

nads (Guest)
06-06-01, 10:29 AM
The horse world is so bitchy because most people are jealous of the ones that are making a name for themselves and doing well. I personally have experienced a lot of this bitchyness because i am focussed and striving to be the best at what i do, and i reap the rewards.

Mills (Guest)
06-06-01, 11:09 AM
Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with someone you thought was a freind, Stablemate, but I have to disagree with the idea that the Horsey World is a bitchy one.

Some of my closest friends are also my "horsie friends" and I love being able to share the highs and MILLIONS of lows (LOL) with people that understand and have the same passion as me. Sure I've come across one or two specimens in the horsey world that I would not give the time of day to, but surely these type of people turn up in other types of hobbies or sports as well. And what about people in your everday life, like the nastiness that can occur in the office environment for example.
I'd much rather be cantering through the bush with a buddy than dealing with office politics anyday!

MARTY001 (Guest)
06-06-01, 11:39 AM
I too can understand what you are going thru. Through all my horsey life no matter where it is you get it. I now have one or two people who have stuck by me and me with them. I find it refreshing to have found this site where I've been given some great advise without any sarcastic nasty comments that normally come with what seems a basic query to those who know but to us who don't it seems like were the only ones it happens to.
Anyway I hope you find a friend like I finally have & bugger the rest!!!!

07-06-01, 12:37 AM
It's easy to feel that because we have horses in common with someone we should instantly be friends. Sadly this isn't always the case.

Often people are bitchy because they feel intimidated or they don't understand what you are about, or they might be jealous of what you have, not realising how hard you work for it. Most of the time I find it's best to be friendly to everybody but mainly keep your head down, stay out of the gossip and work on your riding. Genuine people will understand this and genuine friendships will result over time.

On the flip side, it is important for all of us to be introspective and think about our own behaviour. I have a friend who I'm sure thinks all of us her horsey friends are selfish and uncaring. Actually the opposite is true - it's more to do with her. But she can't/ wont see that and takes offence if anything is said, however subtle, so what has happened is that her friends have drifted away. Sadly.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear your friends have upset you. Try not to take it to heart too much, enjoy your horses company.

07-06-01, 01:33 AM
What I have noticed (not only in the horsey-world) is:
As long as you require help, those who are "in the know" are happy to help because they can display some sort of superiority, which makes them feel better in a nice way.
Once you have gained more expertise and perhaps have acquired knowledge greater than theirs, you become an "insult" to the people who used to help you along, especially when you offer to help them in return as soon as you have something to offer to them.
Ehhh, does this make sense??

Agony Aunt (Guest)
07-06-01, 05:04 AM
Its so sad to read stories like this one, but lets face it, situations like this happen not only in the horsie world, but in every day life, too. Jealousy and insecurities play a big part.

Stablemate, keep your chin up and keep on doing what you love. Try not to worry about these people, they are really not worth worrying about. You don't need people like this in your life. You are better of without them and the associated negativity. At the end of the day, they have shown their true colours and it is better that you found out now rather than later. Its my philosophy that what you put out in this world, you get back - otherwise known as kharma.

I recently discovered that a "friend" of mine was blatantly stealing money from me. I was hurt, like you are too. At the end of the day, be glad that you don't stoop to such a low way of living life like these people. After all, they can't be too happy with their own lives if they have to resort to these measures.

Remember, keep on doing what you love. You, and your horse, can only reap the benefits.

Good Luck.

Lisa (Guest)
07-06-01, 05:31 AM
I've found that where ever you go and whatever interests you take up, you will have bitchy people. I for instance, when I write on threads on the internet, always use fake names so that anyone who knows me might night realise its me - probably due to my insecurities caused by bitchiness in this world.

I had cause to phone a girl down the road. We are gradually getting to know each other but I don't and I suppose she doesn't trust me - yes, both been burned by back stabbing people.

Anyway, I needed her help to ride my new horse for the first time as no one who lives with me is experienced with horses to assist. She is a very experienced horse woman, the same age as me and I actually admire her riding abilities and her almost childlike sense of no fear. She will ride her horse down the roads whereas I choose not to (Thanks to the movie "the Horse Whisperer"). So she comes to help me one Saturday recently and all the time she's there I feel like I am admitting vulnerability because I asked for her help and am obviously hesitant in my abilities on a strange horse. It was only when I told her this she then said she would rather have me ask her for help and give it to me than hear that I had ended up in hospital because I had tried to achieve something by myself.

So the ride turned out to be successful and the horse is great. I can now ride him by myself.

She also helped me get my other horse in water on the weekend. Had it not been for her standing in the water with me in the saddle and her horse alongside her, we would probably still have a water issue.

So thanks to her we achieved heaps. I just hope I don't hear about it via someone else.

M (Guest)
07-06-01, 07:03 AM
Yes, simply put, I'd say its a case of the green eyed monster appearing once again. These people are probably jealous of either you or your horse; or perhaps the rapport you share with your horse. Who knows? Just don't get involved in it or fall to their scummy ways. Its not worth it - and neither are they. Keep a positive attitude, its more than they will ever have.

Foxey (Guest)
07-06-01, 04:19 PM
You are so right! Dog world, cat world, knitting, antique collecting: it makes no difference! People are people.

breeder (Guest)
07-06-01, 11:35 PM
Stablemate ,I too have just had the same thing happen- I helped out someone I thought was a friend and now this person is making almost slanderous remarks about some of my horses. It really upset me but apparently she has done this type of thing before(Surprise surprise!!)I am very lucky that I have a life and have chosen to ignore this sad person. Just try to do the same and smile!!!!

John Boy (Guest)
08-06-01, 12:42 AM
Hi Stablemate,

How sad and true your experience with your "so called friend" is, and it happens all too frequently.
I've been in the horseworld for a long time now and have met some of the nicest people out BUT I have also met some of the MOST HATEFUL PEOPLE GOD EVER PUT BREATH INTO so all you can do is get better at recognising those who are genuine and steer very clear of the others. Let them self destruct playing their petty games while we enjoy our horses and lives and have a clear conscience about the way we conduct ourselves in life!

Classical (Guest)
08-06-01, 12:50 AM
Most probably jealousy, with a good dash of insecurity thrown in! Silly little people living out silly dramas. Difficult as it sounds, smile and ignore it! 'One door closes and another opens' ... you will make new friends and will find that life is more enjoyable away from the 'cat club'. :-)

I've had a similar experience, with a long standing 'friendship'.
She chose to abuse the friendship by thrusting her horsemanship ideals and values at me and demanding I adopt them. Whilst I could see the merit in her ideals, and was actually following a similar path, she refused to acknowledge this. Her hypocrisy knew no bounds. The crunch came when I gave an innocent & truthful observance to a query that she made ..... then the venom was unleashed. Her personal attacks (along with untruths) have made her look foolish and vicious (especially to the people she chose to back stab to).... and have made me stand even firmer in my decision that the friendship is irreconcilable.

At this stage, and in hindsight, I can see that she had felt insecure and I hadnt recognised the depth of it, but then that was/is her drama and only she can do something to resolve it.

Pick yourself up and walk away, assured in the knowledge that these people are truelly belittling and harming themselves more than they are you. There are better things in life to spend your energies on. :-)

Anon (Guest)
08-06-01, 04:02 AM
I do believe that in most cases, there are always two sides to a storey. As you mention that it is friends (not just one friend), are you sure you did not do or say something that might have offended them without you realising. Sometimes people can say things that seem innocent to them but the others may take it completely out of context. Just a thought!

Stablemate (Guest)
08-06-01, 04:19 AM
Anon, I have tried tackling the issue from your viewpoint many times but have been unable to source any negative action on my part. It is this one person who has turned the others against me, everything was ok until this person turned against me - and the rest followed suit (like sheep!).

Thank you to everyone who has responded, you have helped me to hold my head high and continue doing what I love.