PDA

View Full Version : Meat Marketing...



Looksthgoods
23-11-01, 03:26 AM
You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You go up to her and say, "Hi, I'm great in bed, how about it?". - That's Direct Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You give your friend a tenner. She goes up and says "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, how about it?". - That's Advertising.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You somehow mop up her mobile number. You call and chat her up a while and then say "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?" - That's Tele-Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You recognize her. You walk up to her, refresh her memory and get her to laugh and giggle and then suggest, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?". - That's Customer Relationship Management.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You put on your spring boots and walk around playing Mr. Busy. You put on your best smile and walk around being Mr. Congenial. You fresh all the Thesaurus links in your memory and play Mr. Polished. You stand straight, you talk soft and smooth, you open the door for the ladies, you smile like a dream, you set an aura around you playing the Mr. Gentleman and then you move up to the girl and say, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?". - That's Hard Selling.

You go to a party, you see an attractive girl across the room. SHE COMES OVER and says, "Hi, I hear you're great in bed, how about it?" - Now THAT is the power of Branding.

Jenna (Guest)
23-11-01, 03:37 AM
LMAO... I have a few to flick you! Where do you get all these!

Jenna (Guest)
23-11-01, 03:42 AM
Thoughts to Live By

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're
the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have
to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in
the middle of it.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and
miss.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by
their maker.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen
to you for the rest of the day.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun
and shoot other people in the eyes.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning
to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you
don't have a leg to stand on.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the
pig.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.

Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school -- you'll be working for
them in the future.

Integrity (Guest)
23-11-01, 02:09 PM
He he he, i got a giggle out of those! Very, umm unusual some of them..

beyond the glen
24-11-01, 05:04 AM
Damn! Knew I should have done that intensive marketing course at uni ..... (LOLOL)

beyond the glen
24-11-01, 05:07 AM
Very funny one-liners ... yeah - some are a bit unusual, but with me most pretty much hit the target (I have always suspected pidgeons have radar!) ..... (LOL)

Jenna
27-11-01, 02:06 AM
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumb founded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but most men are perverts

Jenna
27-11-01, 02:08 AM
Must say the "If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie" one had me laughing...totally agree with the statue thing tho!!!

beyond the glen
27-11-01, 05:58 AM
... very clever ... (LOL) but, hey (*innocently*) I thought keeping a close eye on the customers is part of a dealers job !!!

OK that's it, next time I'm at the casino - forget blackjack I'm heading over to the craps table for some action .... LOLOLOL ..... er, umm, well someone needs to watch the dice !!!

Jenna (Guest)
29-11-01, 01:22 AM
> THE FEMALE DICTIONARY
>
> 1. "Fine"
>
> This is the word a woman uses at the end of any argument that they feel
> they are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe
> how a
> woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
>
> 2. "Five minutes"
>
> This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
> football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so they
> feel that it's an even trade.
>
> 3. "Nothing"
>
> This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually
> used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside
> out, upside down, backwards, or all three. "Nothing" usually signifies an
> argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
>
> 4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows):
>
> This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
> "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
>
> 5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows):
>
> This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You
> will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
> "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when
> she cools off.
>
> 6. (Loud Sigh)
>
> This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very
> misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at
> that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
> arguing with you over "Nothing".
>
> 7. (Soft Sigh)
>
> Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the
> few
> things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is
> to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
>
> 8. "Oh !"
>
> This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get
> that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about that you were doing last night". If
> she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN (do not walk) to the nearest exit.
> She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes
> out
> the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.
>
> "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a
> lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised
> eyebrows, "Go ahead", followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring
> myself to write about them.
>
> 9. "That's Okay"
>
> This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a
> man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
> paying
> you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is
> often
> used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow
> and "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and
> planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
>
> 10. "Please Do"
>
> This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance
> to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it
> is
> that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be
> careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
>
> 11. "Thanks"
>
> The woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say "you're welcome".
>
> 12. "Thanks A Lot !!"
>
> This is very different to "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot!!"
> when she is REALLY pi*sed off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

Jenna (Guest)
29-11-01, 01:23 AM
> ALCHOHOL WARNING
>
> We all know the dangers, but we never learn... Due to increasing
> products liability litigation, alcohol manufacturers have accepted the
> Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be
> placed immediately on all alcohol containers:
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
> when you are not.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
> wanker.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
> story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may cause you to shay shings like
> thish.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
> are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
> happened to your trousers.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may think you can converse logically
> with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
> Kung Fu powers.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
> morning and see something really scary (whose species or name you
> cannot remember).
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
> rug burns on the forehead.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
> tougher, more handsome and smarter than some really, really big guy
> named Dave.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe fat, ugly
> people are slim and attractive.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones
> appearing in your home.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are
> laughing WITH you.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
> continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time seem to
> literally disappear.
>
> WARNING Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy

beyond the glen
01-12-01, 04:25 AM
Yikes ! .... sounds like my ex ... (lol). Damn! now it all falls into place ....

Now, I wonder if this female dictionary is available via mobile SMS ..... might be useful to access it in real-time (!) - when out on assignment in the field .... (lolol) ....

Jenna (Guest)
04-12-01, 12:14 AM
The scary thing is a lot of it is true (well from what my mother used to say it is!!!)