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View Full Version : Why do guys find it necessary to cheat??????



Tab (Guest)
27-08-02, 07:17 AM
Why is it in a guy's nature to constantly cheat (either on the net or otherwise) when they've got someone who loves and adores them??????? I wish someone would hit me on the head and explain it to me. Maybe some guys have got an answer which they can post? Maybe I should just move on......

supaslide7 (Guest)
27-08-02, 10:37 AM
Hi Tab,

Not all guys cheat. I for one have never and would never cheat on the girl that I love. Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet that would treat you the way that you treat them.

hope this helps you Tab. (Guest)
27-08-02, 11:59 AM
Tab, I can't see how it gets any better for you if he isn't commited to the relationship. How can he be if he is always off with someone else? His cheating is not a reflection on you but rather on him as a person.
It sounds to me like you've been punishing yourself enough over this whole thing. Give yourself a break. Get out the relationship and don't go back.
Give yourself time to heal and to think about what you want to do
with your life, before getting involved with anyone else.

Alfred's etc... (Guest)
27-08-02, 02:48 PM
..because having sex with lots of gorgeous women is really really enjoyable, whether you are in love with someone or not.
a man being in love (or not) does not have anything to do with him being faithful.

and anyway, plenty of women cheat too.
you might ask why is it that people who want monogamy always end up with partners who cheat?

Latin (Guest)
27-08-02, 05:08 PM
Alfred, I think if you are in love with someone you feel really attracted to - physical, emotional, intelectual levels and you get from him/ her what you crave for- great sex, fun times, companionship, respect etc. say your soul mate, you won't feel the need to look anywhere else. Open relationships don't seem to last very long. Men who love one night stands and keep moving to the next woman are afraid of intimacy. Is ok to play while single but after a while just sex isn't fulfilling enough.
Men think sex all the time- maybe we as partners should be more
daring and give much more of what they want.

Tab (Guest)
28-08-02, 12:46 AM
Thanks all for the postings......he's not physically with them (well not that I know anyway) but finds the need to "talk" (if you know what I mean) via email, icq or messenger....god knows what he does on the phone I guess.

Bloody men, geez they give us sooooo much ##### at times and then tell us we're insecure??????????

*sigh* any single 32+ year old guys out there?????? lol

Humbug (Guest)
28-08-02, 01:19 AM
Ditch him Tab he's a loser. Any guy that wants to get his jollies via the wire (so to speak) isn't the full quid anyway.

RealityMan (Guest)
28-08-02, 02:38 AM
You only look outside your paddock if what's in your paddock isn't giving you what you really desire and need.

Most women have no idea what a guy wants. They will say, I love him, so thats all I need to do, they expect that will be enough for them. If you are getting what you need then there is no reason to look elsewhere. Love isn't enough, relationships are not fairytales, relationships take work and effort and a desire to make the other person happy and forfill their needs.

Most females will try really hard to attract a guy, but once they have his interest they will stop, thinking I've got him now and now it's his job to look after and make me happy. Reminds me of an ironic joke. "How do you get a blond to stop sucking your dick? A:Marry Her!!" But then thats typical of most women. Women are basically selfish when it comes to relationships they expect the guy to contribute everything and do everything to make them happy, but they see as long as they say they love the guy then thats all they have to do.

Guys cheat because the women they are with neglect their needs.

Thats not to say guys are perfect. They are not! Fact is they have to look after their womens needs too. But instead of getting upset, angry, depressed and whinging and moaning about what they are not getting, men go out and cheat. It maybe that either partner is able for whatever reason to forfill the others needs and desires, and the relationship either ends or one or both are unhappy, and then people look elsewhere for what they really desire and need.

People need to talk together and be there for each other, relationships are a 2 way street. They need to constantly change and evolve, and be cherished and maintained. Just like cars need regular maintenance, so do relationships, if things get neglected they eventually break down, and are at worst irrepairable.

Alfred's etc... (Guest)
28-08-02, 06:55 AM
i don't think i agree with reality man.
while i think the dream of someone to satisfy your every need is great, i think it is unrealistic and unfair to expect all that of someone. i like to enjoy people for who they are, not what they make me feel i am... if that makes any sense... i'm quite satisfied with my own self i think, and look for similar women.
fear of commitment... that is really undeveloped thought. of course one should avoid commitments one does not want to or have any reason to make. i mean you wouldn't go and ask the bank to give you a loan... "forget the money, i just want the commitment...!"
people develop and grow, their experiences and encounters are what make them who they are... to bond your experiences entirely to someone else is kind of like making one of yourselves redundant. to commit where there is no need is a reaction against a fear of loneliness, and will only hinder and retard your growth.
real friends, real soul-mates are always there, whether you have comitted to them in formal relationships or not.

Alfred... (Guest)
28-08-02, 06:57 AM
...and who gives a sh#$% if he's talking to someone else over the internet... what kind of control freak needs to know they are the only outcome or focal point of any and every feeling felt by someone else? utter insecurity!!

Tab (Guest)
28-08-02, 07:05 AM
Perhaps you didn't get what I meant when I said "talking"??? How would you feel if your wife was using YOUR computer to talk dirty, have cybersex and get their jollies off with someone else (and then forget to cover up the evidence!!)????? But I guess not everyone sees that as a form of cheating and/or expects monogomy in a relationship....everyone's different in what they expect. I guess it's hard for people to comment when they don't know the full story - but I was interested in personal opinions which is why I posted the original message.

dave (Guest)
28-08-02, 07:45 AM
He must be unsatisfied with the sex life and feels the need to get off via email. Or maybe he's just making a few harmless jokes and you're making a big deal out of nothing, which women do all the time. LIFE is meant to be fun, not serious all the time.

RealityMan
28-08-02, 07:45 AM
Tabby,

What is he missing in his life to do this?? What is his motivation to indulge in cyber sex or whatever. Maybe you can forfill his needs for him so he doesn't feel he has to go elsewhere. Maybe you guys need to talk......

Why can you not deal with it?

How does him doing this make you feel?

RM :)

RealityMan
28-08-02, 07:59 AM
Alf,

It's not something that should be expected, but something that is freely offered from the other. If both can do that with respect for each other, then imagine the relationship you can have. Respect, honesty, understanding, and an attitude to please and be able to be pleased.

Commit to those that are worthy.

Be friendly to everybody, yet only bring those few close that are worthy to be there. A lot of people are interested in just taking and not giving much or anything back.

RM

Humbug (Guest)
28-08-02, 11:05 AM
Hi Tab, hi guys,
R.M. I do agree with you that relationships need to be worked at but that takes two. If one is not interested then all the effort in the world from the other party will not resolve things.
What I read from Tad's posts seems to me anyway, that this guy is getting his sexual gratification from other sources. You suggest that TAB should be the one to improve the situation. I suggest that if the guy is doing this its because he WANTS TO.
How R.M. would you suggest Tad tries to work things out. Stand in front of him masterbating perhaps? Is sex the answer to this problem? You seem to suggest it might be and within that suggestion you seem to be blaming her for all the problems that have arisen just as you seem to blame all women in all your posts for causing the problems in relationships these days.
In past generations women were always held responsible for problems in relationships. Fortunately, today we know better but perhaps you need to catch up with us?
Think about what you do in the same situation and write back how you would deal with it. I would be most interested to hear your reply.
Tab, you need some space here from this guy. Move out or kick him out and think about if you really need him in your life.
Humbug.

Latin (Guest)
28-08-02, 02:53 PM
Maybe 'cause the seduction is over. He got you. In my opinion the beginning of a relationship is always the best.
Try to sex it up just in case. If you run out of stamina a bottle of ginseng might help.

Tab (Guest)
29-08-02, 01:12 AM
thanks humbug!!!

RealityMan
29-08-02, 02:57 AM
Hello Hummy,

I just want to say that it's not women who are to blame, it's not men either. It's society, selfishness, expectations, communication, and other things.......

You are so right that the man in question, want to do what he is doing otherwise he wouldn't do it. What is his motivation? maybe he doesn't know what it is, he just finds he has a need to do it.

I agree with you wholeheartedly that BOTH partners have to work in a relationship and for some reason usually one doesn't want too. It's generally a lack of communication, or selfishness for one reason or another.

My advice well Tad, first decide whether this behaviour is acceptable or not acceptable to you.

If it's acceptable get over it and stop worring about it, just let it happen, it's his choice to do it, he's allowed to have his choices.

If his behaviour is not acceptable to you, then you need to tell him how it makes you feel when you find him doing it. Ask him why he needs to do it and is there anything maybe that you could do so he wouldn't need to do it. Are his responses either acceptable or not acceptable to you, the choice is yours.

He may fail to communicate in an effective way, then this creates a problem. But he knows how you feel, so the rest is up to him.

It's up to him what he does next, he may choose to modify, change, cease, his behaviour. It's his choice and you have no right to order or direct his behaviour, all you can do is decide whether it's acceptable or not acceptable for you.

All you can do is voice your opinion and say how things feel, the let the other make their choices, and you respond accordingly.

There are many people we can bond with, a relationship ending, opens the way for a new one to begin. Nobody has ever died from a broken heart, they do heal and we do move on, we grow and learn and develop. We need to love and be comfortable with ourselves, we cannot rely on other to make us happy. Be true to yourself.

I think a break is a good idea, to get things into prospective, time for the dust to settle. Things often look clearer, or less intense.

RM

Alfred... (Guest)
29-08-02, 03:52 AM
it still seems harmless to me. i think it's really a question of what works for the relationship.@maybe you should stop crackign the shits, and just think about whaty the effect is. if his thing on the virtual side is making him hotter for you, or even just making the relatio better (apart from you not liking it) then maybe it's a good thing.
sounds to me like he wanted you to find out.. so maybe it is really a way of developing more intimacy with you?
do you ever fantasize about people other than your hubby? is that cheating too? please say it isn't!

Jessie (Guest)
29-08-02, 04:13 AM
Good idea re "stand in front of him and masturbate"
That will work

RealityMan
29-08-02, 04:46 AM
Jessie,

I am sure that would quite quickly refocus his mind......

Be daring :)

RM

Latin (Guest)
29-08-02, 11:58 AM
What about a sexy striptease?
;-) :9

WWB Filly (Guest)
30-08-02, 02:40 AM
Hey everyone,

Since we were on the topic of guys cheating on their girlfriends... I have an interesting question to put to you all...

Ok here goes... My now X-boyfriend (who just broke up with me, over the phone)went out for 4 months or a little over, everything was going fantastic. Got to the point where he told me he was falling in love with me. Spent 3 weeks at his place with the horses, we trained our horses together etc etc etc, had fun all the rest of it...The weekend i was leaving he had to go to dubbo for a bucks night. I trusted him and he always said he would never cheat on me, anyway...got lots of big hugs and kisses friday morning before we both left for work since we wouldn't see each other for a week. talked to him sunday when he got back, didn't talk for long, still ended the call with "i love you sweety"... then got another call a few minutes later abusing me for not returning the video's which i borrowed, not my fault i forgot! Was suppossed to be going to a wedding with him the next weekend so i was going to take them to him then. Got up me big time because of that, then monday night rings me and say's we need to talk then breaks up with me...

He thought the relationship felt more like "just a friendship" no way in hell was it just a relationship and i know he felt that way as well. He said it was all the excitement at first and that i'm not the one for him, then asked if we could still be friends and if he could call me every now and then... Then for some reason asked when my next competition was :-S I never got a real reason for why he was breaking up with me, i think it's a little sus when everything was going well then all of a sudden breaks up with me after a bucks night...Oh and out of no where he says that i don't have to worry he didn't do anything while he was away....

what does everyone think?

Sorry for such a long post, am really annoyed, upset, confussed and all the rest...

Regards

WWB Filly

RealityMan
30-08-02, 03:17 AM
WWB Filly,

Sorry to hear you are sad and disillusioned.

It's not fair that people say things they don't really mean, or say things without thinking about them, or the implications of what they say.

You trust and believe in another and they let you down, especially when it comes to feelings.

If somebody doesn't want to be with you, then that hurts, especially if you believe in them.

In time the dust will settle and you will heal, try to stay busy and not dwell on the past, it cannot be changed no matter how much we wish it could.

Rekindle all the old friendships you put on hold or neglected when you were "going out". Sad but those that often happens, stay busy and enjoy life.

If somebody in the past has hurt you or let you down, try your best not to let that change you, because if you do then you carry them around forever and they don't deserve that. Learn from the past, live for today, and hope for the future.

HUGE HUGS.........

RM

Work like you don't need the money
Dance like there is nobody watching
Love like you have never been Hurt

And in the words of Banjo Patterson

"Ride boldly lad and never fear the spills"

Zen (Guest)
30-08-02, 10:27 AM
Tab, your man sounds like a filthy old ######. I'd dump him on his arse and move on. It doesnt matter if he's not having physical itimacy with someone, it's the fact that he's off with the fairies so to speak.If it was something you were comfortable with, and had talked about previously, it would all be ok. But it makes it worse that he did it behind your back.
if you wanna stay with him, dont ##### him, dont even touch him, lock him in a room with no tv, no internet, no phone, no porn nothing. Just white walls and white furniture... And watch him rot....heheheh

Alfred... (Guest)
30-08-02, 10:41 AM
zen you are one seriously unhealthy individual.

humbug (Guest)
30-08-02, 12:13 PM
well yes Zen that last bit was off...but I thought it was funny all the same.

WWB, it sounds to me like you were more involved emotionally than he was in the relationship and maybe the bucks night scared him off - the thought that it might be him getting married one day. There are a lot of men who play the game and then when it gets too serious they run.....
You sound a lot more mature than he is and I truly am sorry this didn't work out for you.
You really are a lot better off without him. He sounds very insincere and flighty.
Give those horses of yours lots of hugs and let them help heal the hurt.
Humbug. x.

WWB Filly (Guest)
12-09-02, 07:27 AM
Hello Humbug and RealityMan,

Thank you both very much i appreciate your kind words...I know it has been a few weeks since i posted as i have been keeping myself so busy i haven't had a chance to get on the net. Even joined up with the gym!! Amazing! Anyways just thought i would post and thank you both.

I thought i had gotten over the silly boy but i still think about him every now and then and i really do miss him, but nothing i can do so moving on reasonably well :-)

Cheer WWB Filly

steering wheel attendant (Guest)
18-09-02, 08:36 AM
Hey there Tab
just a short post from a guy that used to chat on the net etc (similar to what your other half is doing).I was in a relationship with a girl and we were engaged,because of work commitments we didnt see much of oneanother so to wind down I used to get on the net.Both men and women are the same in this situation ,if they are being shown attention they keep going back.My ex was veryfor want of a better word BORING sexually so when you have the chance to chat to someone who adds a little excitement into your idea of making love it tends to jump up and grab you by the goolies.Dont know what your sex life together is like or how much you guys talk,but if you havent already,discuss your fantasies with him and ask him what his are and I guarentee you if you act some of them out with him you will have his GOOLIES back in the palm of your hand.

Tab (Guest)
18-09-02, 08:59 AM
Thanks mate. This started before we were "going out" (we had just started as friends and it unintentionally went from there after a fair while). So I guess it some ways it's a habit, regardless of how much we talk or get on. He's always the one (unbelieveable for a guy) that wants to be able to talk to each other about anything and be honest with each other and he goes and does this crap????? Even though we've been living together for a couple of years? It's got me buggered.

Did you ever meet (or have any intention of meeting) this girl you were talking to? Do you still chat to her, if so, why?

If you could write me via email and explain these things to me without sometimes unnecessary) interjections..lol - I'd be grateful

legaleagle_29@yahoo.com

thanks buddy and look forward to hearing from you

integrity (Guest)
14-10-02, 11:33 AM
love the mantra, one of my favs.........u sound like a wise old owl.........but are u (old that is???) i'm intreiged