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Miniature Lover
29-09-11, 10:38 AM
Everywhere I go of for sale sites, it is always. "Husband forces sale."
"Husband puts foot down and says horse must go." "Husband says it is him or the horse."

Really? Is this true? Or is it just an excuse to sell the horse. Surely there cannot be that many assholes of men out there?
My OH has never once forced me to sell a horse. In fact when I DO sell a horse he guilt trips me for it. He says things like "Poor little XYZ would be out eating their dinner in the paddock."
Or a smart ass comment like "Oh how did XYZ like their dinner, oh wait that's right you sent them off into the big wide world. They could be starving right now."

He makes me feel really bad for selling them lol. And he is just taking the piss out of me but I do feel bad when he says it.

But any who back to my main question, what do you think? Is it really the husband forcing the sale or is it just an excuse to put the horse on the market.

Cybergirl
29-09-11, 10:43 AM
I imagine a reasonable amount of them would be legitimate. Some wouldn't.

There are any number of henpecked husbands out there too, quite frankly.

nostalgiaplatz
29-09-11, 10:45 AM
I guess the husbands have been writing similar ads when they sell their fishing gear and motorbikes for years.

I think it's probably just a good excuse most of the time. I can't think of any married women that I know, even the complete pushovers, who would let hubby force them to sell their animals.

I suppose it might be different if they truly are galloping housewives and don't put a cent towards their hobby themselves.

darkhorse3
29-09-11, 10:47 AM
...and I think some people's obsessions with horses can go too far. When they met you, you had two, after marriage it grows to 10!

Husbands, partners can still be very supportive to the horsey obsession but there are limits and plenty of people cross them with their obsessions. Sometimes an impartial person also recognises when you aren't coping with the number of horses you have and that you aren't giving them the time they deserve, one less might make a big difference.

I also think family situations change and that some partners expect you to put family first or at least equal like providing for children in both finances and time. I would never get rid of my horses but I think if I need the money to provide something for my child then the new saddle goes out the window and as far as a new horses goes, that would also have to wait.

I don't think it makes them unreasonable. Balance is always the key to relationships.

Scarlet81
29-09-11, 10:47 AM
I think a few times it is genuine....luckily my OH is horsey now too....I'm contemplating selling my gelding for a few reasons...OH said no, we have to keep him because he's like part of the family!

Sometimes I think it's done as a compromise...I know one lady who's hubby said one of her horses had to go.....she advertised it, put a huge price on it & if someone actually called said she was just doing it to appease hubby, it never sold, she blamed market & was happy...hubby was unaware & thought he'd been the man of the house PMSL!!!

GDR
29-09-11, 10:58 AM
I guess the husbands have been writing similar ads when they sell their fishing gear and motorbikes for years.

I think it's probably just a good excuse most of the time. I can't think of any married women that I know, even the complete pushovers, who would let hubby force them to sell their animals.
I suppose it might be different if they truly are galloping housewives and don't put a cent towards their hobby themselves.

Unfortunately, I've known quite a few over the years. More often than not, the women have capitulated to save their marriages however, it all usually ends in divorce anyway. For those couples that do end up staying together, the women are never really happy afterwards.

Diana
29-09-11, 11:43 AM
My hubby wanted me to sell my pony (she was on lease anyway...the family loved her) but said that it'd mean it wouldn't be so extravagant if I wanted another horse (or miniature :p ) and I already have a horse who's retired... So I'd still have at least one horse out of action at all times.

I doubt I'm an isolated case! ;) hehe...

Maybe they're asking for the sympathy vote...

Autumn
29-09-11, 11:55 AM
I have some friends who's husbands HAVE made them sell their horses :(

But some can also use it as an excuse!!!

lalique
29-09-11, 11:57 AM
Actually there are many OHs who make this demmand- and sadly quite often it is warranted.

I know of "horse collectors" (as said above they start out with one or two and rapidly increase), I know of the "horse spenders" (who will happily buy new rugs,gear etc- but not make the mortage repayment or other rather important bills), I know of unfed OHs who have to "make do" (invent meals) because the missus is out late with her horses (this extends to child care and other domestic matters which are put second to the neddies- regularly!), I know of "not this weekend" horse people who never have time for any family weekend activity as the horses consume their life, and I know how much bloody horses cost to maintain full stop! If you dont have a supportive OH or if you abuse your spousal suport then it can end up with ultimatums being made

I dont see it as being weak to be brought back to reality by your OH if you are out of control and/or neglecting your family. I think it is kind of nice to know they care enough to try to make a go of things rather than just walking out

Of course it is a different matter if they originally accept you and your horse/s and then suddenly do the whole jealousy thing and make the "horse or me" demand

Autumn
29-09-11, 12:06 PM
As a side note I dont believe horses HAVE to be expensive. It depends on what you want to do with them. If you have a decent paddock/grass, and basic gear then its only maintence costs like feet, teeth and worms.

Once you start wanting to go places (or keep up with fashions) it becomes expensive!!!

I know many who run a horse or two economically.

darkhorse3
29-09-11, 12:11 PM
I probably think of a couple of posts that were on here once when someone couldn't afford proper child safety around the home and had to make do.

Then a week later they were buying another horse.

StElmosFire
29-09-11, 01:05 PM
Like some of the above posters, sometimes it's probably a real/valid reason, other times, it's probably to cover up that the sale horse might be a bit much for them.

Other reasons for sale put in ads (real or pretend), are that the rider is:
Doing their HSC
Going to Uni
Going overseas
Moving interstate for work
Pregnant

Often they'd be honest, but I guess other times they'd be covering up the real reason for the hoped-for sale?

Carola Adolf
29-09-11, 01:14 PM
.... what I see is usually $$ related and I have come to the conclusion that who ever owns or wants the horses must also be able to support them financially.
Letting pay someone else for their passion is never quite fair.
Lots of "bread-winners" eventually do resent the lack of their partner's financial responsibility.....

Imagine you would have to earn and pay for everything yourself.... could you do it?
If no, then you should see it from your OH's perspective.

:rolleyes:

fredkelpie
29-09-11, 01:42 PM
Had a really nice dressage/jumping TB, was a nice horse. I didn’t have time to ride/show him as much as I wanted and OH suggested I sell him. OH couldn’t get along with him, you would see them eyeing each other off and this ended up with words and actions between the both of them.

But when I mentioned selling a little mare of mine the words “when hell freezers over” came out of OH mouth. If this mare was a human she’d be having an affair with OH as they are as thick as thieves, follows OH like a dog.

In the end I got hassled that much about this little mare I broke her in and started riding her, which was not a bad thing as she’s quite a handy little station mare.:)


“Heinz variety, used for everything”

jackeroo
29-09-11, 02:27 PM
sell the husband keep the horse

Norbit
29-09-11, 03:03 PM
Apart from any valid reasons like above, I can't believe an OH to make you sell up your horses. My OH knows how much mine mean to me and I would never force him to give up something that he enjoys. My OH does joke "no more horses" but would not put his foot down if I were to get another (there is no need really though). I could not be in a relationship of such compromise - of course relationships are full of compromise, but not to give up a part of yourself.

LisaL
29-09-11, 07:21 PM
Sell the husband, keep the horse, watch the husband walk, and sell the horse anyway as all of a sudden you have to pay your own way:-). Lalique is right, there are a lot of spoiled princesses out there

HedgeWitch
29-09-11, 07:50 PM
I was given this ultimatum recently, so nice only having to worry about paying for my horses upkeep, and I have managed to save money LOL :D

Hedgy

Diana
29-09-11, 07:56 PM
Sell the husband, keep the horse, watch the husband walk, and sell the horse anyway as all of a sudden you have to pay your own way:-). Lalique is right, there are a lot of spoiled princesses out there

Spoiled princess right here :p :eek:

In saying that though, my hubby works on the family's farm so I help out where I can ;)

Charlypops
29-09-11, 08:34 PM
Sell the husband, keep the horse, watch the husband walk, and sell the horse anyway as all of a sudden you have to pay your own way:-). Lalique is right, there are a lot of spoiled princesses out there

It goes both ways, as many have already said in this thread.

In my case though I have seen more of the spoilt princess scenario's. With husbands being sucked dry and supporting a hobby which costs much more than they expected it would.
I know lots of hubby's that have started off very supportive. But over the years get sick of the money they spend, and the time the horses take up.

I love my horses. But us horsie girls can be a selfish bunch :). Which for many relationships can be fine, and couples make things work.

But I can totally understand Hubbies that have to put the foot down at some point, especially when they are supporting the hobby and times are tough.

However I have seen the line used as an excuse as well though.

HedgeWitch
29-09-11, 08:48 PM
I must admit when he complained about the horse that was the straw that broke the camels back.

It was my horse that got me through my cancer treatment, the husband had to be called by the oncologist to come to the appointments as when I told the Dr that he said he wasn't coming as he didn't want to listen to doctors talk, you can imagine how disappointed my Dr was and how abandoned I felt. Once strong enough and back in the saddle I told him to go as it is easier to live without him dragging me down.

So yes choosing the horse over the husband is a bit selfish but sometimes you have to be selfish as we only have one life.

Hedgy

Charlypops
29-09-11, 09:15 PM
Yes but Hedwitch you ex-husband does not sound like a very nice person, horses or not. You are just lucky you had the horse to help you get through.